the thrill is gone

so i'm in florida. right now i'm sitting poolside at my grandmother's retirement community while she naps in one of the lounge chairs beside me. when i got down here, i called her to remind her that i'd be over...when i got to her appartment i let myself in with my key and she was scared...absoultly horrified. she had no idea who i was, even though i was standing right in front of her.

"its me nanny, lilith"
"who?"
"your granddaughter"
"i have grandchildren?"

i sat down with her on the balcony and went over the photo albums...some of it starting coming back to her. i couldnt imagine living like her...not knowing. i think it'd kill me.

we went for a walk around the golf course, up to the pool. she can't swim anymore but she loves watching everyone else do it. so she sat down and decided to doze off in the sun. i grabbed myself a drink (its after 3, i can drink) and so i'm lounging, watching her rest, and contemplating...eveything.

i checked my terrorism & justice score. 18 out of 20 so it averages out to a 90%. not bad but not as high as i would have liked. but i'm definatly not going to complain about it. it is what it is. i just know for next time i need to put more effort into it. i havent gotten any other scores yet. hopefully i'll do well. i mean...i know i should have worked harder on all of them but i was so drained i just couldnt.

but whatever...its my fault anyways.