stir it up

i love how i came into break with all of these goals...finishing my lit midterm & paper, outlining my terrorism paper, reading for IR...and its wednesday and all i've done is get through my midterm and the first draft of my paper.

it's not that i've been procrastinating more than usual...i just dont have time to do it. i mean. i was home for two days where i had to deal with all of the bullshit that comes with westfield and families and not liking either of them.

and now i'm in florida, doing my granddaughterly duty and looking after nanny. after taking care of her all day, even if its nothing that i would concider strenuous the least bit like going to the post office or out to the marina, she's exhausted. and i'm so drained after the fact...both physically and emotionaly...that i dont want to do any work.

and (no offence) but its not like the work is that hard. i'm one of those people who would much rather write a 10 page paper than take a multiple guess test. but thats not to say my papers dont suck. theyre completly disorganized and sometimes i get so frusturated halfway through i just end up bullshitting the rest. so now, ive had to install a "no bullshit" policy for my papers for the rest of the year. its not fair to myself or to my professers to have to read pages of absolutly nothing.

so what have i been doing down here, other than watching nanny? drinking a LOT of pinot noir and merlot and just reading. almost as an afterthought, i tossed a copy of walden into my bag before catching my flight. even though i've read it a billion times, somthing always draws me to thoreau.

i know its extremly cheezy but on my list of things i have to do before i die, read walden up in the middle of walden pond at sunset is definatly in the top three.

i dont know why...i think i'm just waiting to be inspired. but that's also not really fair to say, i'd like to think that i'm pretty inspired. but its not one thing that inspires me...its everything. if you had to pick one thing, id say my writing is inspired by humanity. the good. the bad. the absolutly horrifying....its in all of us. and at the most basic level...we are all the same and feel the same and bleed the same. i guess that's what is so inspiring about humanity. we are all the same, messed up pieces of crap.

and that when as soon as we think we're in control...we're not.