only happy when it rains

yeah i know its beaucoup cliche to title this post after a garbage song but whatever...fuck you. it's not that random.

it was cloudy this morning when i was walking to brunch with bergin and kaidy. not just normal cloudy...power cloudy. and the way we walk, there's this amazing view of the mountains and i could see the deep purple-grey billowing over the ridge and i had to stop for a second. it was intense...i know i use that word way too much but there are no other ones that fit the view.

the clouds got me all excited...i've been wanting a rainstorm for a while. but not just a little shower...i want pouring rain with thunder that shakes the whole building and lightening that illuminates the entire sky. but no, my storm cravings were not to be fufilled today.

it's probably better though...if it had been raining i would'nt have wanted to do anything but sit out on the balcony with my camera, some poetry, my notebook and a blanket. sigh.

not that i was exceptionally productive earlier or anything though haha. anora and i worked on the poster for "a day for darfur" for the cda table and she and i pretty much just vented for a while to each other. i realized that despite all the shit she and i have going on in our lives, we are still somewat well-adjusted. and the poster looks pretty decent too!

i'm really happy that we're having a day for darfur and genocide awareness on campus. i mean, i've been pushing admin for one since i got here and it's FINALLY happening. i think i'm one of those people that have to do somthing if they see an injustice. i.e. darfur. i really dont understand how somthing so atrocious can still be going on...i mean in 1948 the U.N. was founded on the principle of "never again" (after the holocaust), yet since then, genocide has happened at least 3 times...rwanda, kosovo and now sudan. and although the u.s. is making some effort by passing legislation in refusing to do buisness with groups that support the sudanese government, what good does that really do for the people in the refugee camps or the villages being burnt, raped, slaughtered by the janjaiweed? real action needs to be taken...and i know our military is stretched so thin already but...somthing needs to be done, by NATO or the U.N. or ...someone. i heard from samantha the other day who is over in darfur now working in one of the refugee camps with medecins sans frontiers(thats doctors without borders for all you non-frenchies...she's a pediactric emergency physician aka dr. ross from old school er...) and it's more horrible than anyone thought over there. and i NEED to do somthing to stop this travesty.

i know i cant singlehandidly save the world but by participating in somthing like "a day for darfur" it makes me think that i might actually be doing some good. i'm really cynical and jaded but...there is still that glimmer of idealisim in me that forces me to care. i think that's my problem...i care too much and then need a few days off to regain the basic mental functions of an adult (crap...did i just call myself an adult? shit...i need to stop doing that).

“His words are bonds, his oaths are oracles; his love sincere, his thoughts immaculate; his tears pure messengers sent from his heart; his heart as far from fraud, as heaven from earth” -- Shakespere

...so true