i hate everyone

i dont really hate everyone...it's a song by get set go that i'm really into right now. it makes me happy, ok? it has this really fun, funky, chill vibe to it. and if you listen to the lyrics, it's kind of hilarious.

i gave up on the draft at around 1:15 and shot it over to my prof. thank goodness i'm a bit ocd about checking my email cuz when i did around half hour later, i got a responce! which makes me really happy. because the draft i sent over doesnt have a conclusion and my transitions & intro are pretty choppy. i think the paper right now is at a low to middle C range...and i'd like to bring it up to a solid to high B if at all possible. which i can do by NOT fucking up my MLA format & fixing some stuff. and adding some stuff...whatever...the night is young my dears.

except that i think i'm going to just go to bed and continue anew in a few hours. i'm running at 5am for an hour or so. and i think anything i write now just wont be at the level i'd like it to be and i'd just end up redoing it. and by redoing it, i mean rewriting it completly. so there really is no point.

crap. i'm lazy. i really should work on it more now. but i figure...i get back from my run around 615-620, shower & change...if i start working on it at around 8, i can put in a few solid hours before class at 1.i figure...5 hours of work should be enough to get it to the point where i wouldn't feel bad about emailing it back to my prof for some more feedback (and not feel like i'm sending her the exact same thing). then music at 1, terrorism at 2. photoshoot with tim at 315ish...get back here by 6 or 7 depending on the time we actually get out there and how long my memory cards hold out...put in a few more hours worth of work to get it to the level in which i'd feel somewhat decent about turning it in right then and there. i should be fine.

the thought occored to me earlier...what happens if perfection doesnt exist? then what? has everything i've been working towards the past decade been for naught? am i never going to see the day where i can look in the mirror and evaluate myself and say "perfect" and not feel like i'm lying to myself?

the registrar is really bumming me out. we're supposed to meet with our advisors soon to get approved for registereing for classes and they still havent put up the course list for next fall. how are all of the overachieving, OCD kiddies (myself included) going to know what to take? come on people! put the list up on IQweb so i can worry (read-obsess) over one less thing.

goals for tomorrow-
1) sprint the first 20 and the last 25 minutes of my run and do the middle 15 minutes at a moderate-hard run
2) check with the registrar to see a-when class list is going up, b-if my transcripts were sent, c-why my vassar credit hasnt come through yet, d-pass in my withdrawal from religion
3) draft chechnya paper plan for terrorism
4) start research on russian fed for intnl relations
5) packing list for home
6) get at least one good shot using negative space
7) email high school profs to just check in
8) check amazon packages status & expected delivery dates
9) dye hair
10) turn in CDA forms for our meeting's date change and pick a day for the fundraiser. i'm thinking the last week in april? stay tuned for specifics but it's going to be amazing. not to mention the fact that we need money...badly.

yes...that's right. i want to try to do my hair at some point tomorow. same color, just touch up my roots and add some caramel lowlights so it doesnt look brassy.

also...ive been really into the song "how we operate" by gomez. it has this funky vibe to it. i cant quite place it. i want to either say its a central american or middle eastern vibe but dont quote me on that. and the vocals are really relaxed. almost a bluesy or southern tinge to the vocalist. whatever it is...i like it!

yeah. i know i sound like a normal teenager. i'm sorry. i'll try not to let it happen again.

gosh i am such a chic.