IVCF wasnt bad. actually...i had fun. and the...i guess..leader...natalie. we talked and she's chill. and i was really suprised. she is definatly someone i want to get to know better.
but after...jeff, kara, jenn, laura and i ended up hanging out. which was fun. theyre genuinely nice people. but i dont trust them. theyre too nice. its really disconcerning. they dont look like they've been through the hurt yet. once that happens then maybe but not until then. till then its just trivial.
and laura saw my scars. and asked. i didnt tell. but she saw. and i know its going to come up. except that i am proud of them. i know its sickingly cliche but they define who i am. physically and mentally and emotionally damaged.
i have this theory that we are all inherently damaged. but...we only differ in the manifestations of our damage. i.e. i make myself embrace it and take it head on where some people...dont. they fake the happy thing. and that is just really boring.
and...i ended up not hanging out with the guy tonight. maybe tomorow. maybe. if i feel like being open and fun and friendly.
cuz...i'm usually not.
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