what the hell is wrong with us?

What is it that makes us so flawed? We are all irreperably broken. We all have our issues. Not that big of a deal. I mean...since we're all messed up, it shouldn't matter right?

Except it does. People are mean. We pick out the flaws in others and exploit them. Talk about them behind their backs. It's what we do. And it sucks. We should stop. Except. Except by scrutinizing the hell out of everybody else and making everybody else's lives go to shit...it keeps us from having to deal with our own pathetic, trivial issues.

I don't know if we're messed up from the begining or what. If we aren't then what could have or has gone so horribly wrong to poison us? And if we are, then that's just scary.

If we are...then there is no hope. And I don't think I want to believe that. Despite all of the bad in the world, humanity occationally comes together. I mean, even the little things. Opening a door for someone. Letting someone merge into your lane and not flipping them off even if you're in a hurry. To the big things. Volunteering with at-risk kids. Helping to end genocide. It all matters. And if we are so flawed, we wouldnt care about fixing the world.

I know I'm screwed up. I know I have oodles of demons to work through. On paper, I should either be in a mental institution or dead. There is nothing in my past that would make someone think I am or have the possibility of becoming a happy, reasonably well-adjusted person. And yeah, as of this second, I'm not happy or well-adjusted all all. But...at least I'm not about to check out.

I don't want to be known as the girl who couldn't deal with life. I have so much I want to accomplish. I want to be a published author. I want to start a scholarship fund for young women who want to do the school thing on their own terms. I want to see the northern lights, learn to blow glass, visit the Globe theatre. I want to get out of debt, own a home, stop using plastic bags, learn to live sustainably. I want to learn to have fun...do somthing completly insane...like go to the Burning Man festival. I want to see a woman (who I support) elected President. I want to write the State of the Union. I want to hand a hummingbird feeder, have a puppy, dance more. But mostly...

I want to prove them wrong.