sexy mistake

gah. i fucked up. i'm supposed to "hang out" with him tonight. and yeah...i know. i have NO willpower. arent i supposed to make him work for it? and i'm so awkward around guys i like...it makes my normal awkward level expodentially rise beyond the normal level of acceptedness. and when i just talked to him, i went on a little ramble about my academic insecurity. why is it that i find myself incapible to interact within the socially accepted norms for first time talking to somebody? seriously.

and i feel so disgusting worrying about what to say. i mean...i try to play it off like i'm completly autonomous and dont care about what i'm supposed to do and just do what i want. but i dont and i'm not. i'm extremly dependant and constantly worry about adhering to society's moral code. but that's ok. i can deal with being obsessive.

more later...after IVCF. yeah. i got roped into going to inter varsity christian fellowship. and i'm jewish. its amusing. but tonight they're doing a mock sader and i guess since ive been sitting through these things for 19 years i might have some good talmudic insight. maybe. maybe not. i dont know. whatever.