heaven on stilts

Wow. Just wow. I stumbled upon what is probably the last picture taken of Chandi. She was so beautiful. We were sitting outside during Passover break on my balcony. It was raining, otherwise we should have been at the park or just walking around somewhere. But no, the torrents falling from the sky leant itself to nothing more than simple conversation and snippets of our respective creative medium (Chandi painted while I wrote...she always had all of the talent). Her blonde hair flowing almost to mid-back, cascading over the back of the cerulean blue rocker she sat in, contemplating her next brushstroke. Her white top was one of my old ones...an old cotton men's dress shirt picked up at a thrift store with the sole purpose of just lounging around in it. Unknown to her, just yet, her taupe carpender's pants were lightly spotted with flecks of caramel paint dust from when she opened the first tube. Caramel paint faerie dust. God she was beautiful.

In the photo, Chandi's legs are draped over the armrest of the rocker. Her head is back, neck arched in a way to make her hair just barely touch the hardwood floors of the balcony. For once she was smiling. But, it wasn't one of those "oh great, now I have to smile so let's have it look really fake and cheesy now, shall we?" smiles. No. She looked genuinely happy.

Chandi's smiles were a rareity but when she did smile (and meant it), it would light up the room. Nay, the world. I know it's such a cliche, but they really would.

It's so weird now, her not being here. I feel like a huge part of me is gone. For the longest time, it was Chandi and Lilith, Lilith and Chandi. Albet, others would enter our midst but we were the origional two. Regardless of who we pulled into our little clique, she and I were the only two who followed all of the rules and lived it.

God she was beautiful. God.... I miss her.