tangled and dark

...and I'm back.

Sorry about that little freakout before. Honistly though. It's better that if I am going to spazz, that I do so on here and not have a meltdown in front of everyone. I have no problem with people who do, but it's just not in my nature to do so. Earlier I had a mini-breakdown in front of Frank, Josh and Becca. It was really bad. I got to the point where I almost started crying. For me, that's how you know it's bad. I don't cry that often and when I do, it's in my room or somewhere I can be alone. Thankfully I stopped myself before it got to the point of no return...where I am going to have an issue and it is going to suck and there is nothing that can be done to stop it.

Regardless of how I am feeling, I have to put on the happy face every day. I can't let people see how I actually am. I can't put myself out there like that. I know that if I do, I am going to be labeled as the girl who can't deal. Everyone is under a lot of stress and I have no right whatsoever to freak out in pubic. Aside from making me look bad, it stresses out everyone else around me more. Also though, I don't want people to think that I need to be looked after. I'm almost 20 and can take care of myself, fuck you very much.

Ugh. I feel disgusting. It was (and still is) too windy and rainy out to run without dying. As attractive as that option is right now, I just don't have time to die for a while so the running thing wasn't happening this morning. I was going to go out tonight but Kins and I went over to her friend's house for a bit. It was cute...we made grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup and just chilled with him and his roomate and his roomate's friends. It was good to get off-campus for a bit. Here...there is no escaping the drama cuz it's such a small school. We live here and go to class here. We see the same people day after day and have to constantly deal with the same immaturity 24/7. You just get to the point where its like...if I don't get out of here I am going to die.

And...like I said...I don't have time to die just yet.