punkture

I just realized that my room for next year is going to be room of the OCD-ness. My obsessive neatness combined with Kinsley's is going to be rediculous. We're going to be too crazy to function.

But also, living with her, I'm going to have to tone down my issues majorly or at least start hiding them better. If Kins found out that I'm juice fasting (or at least attempting to) again she'd drag me by the hair over to FMH (the hospital next door to campus) and force admit on me cuz she's an EMT and can do that. I'd instantly get a 24-hour hold placed on me and during which, she'd not so kindly inform them of all of my other issues and I'd be stuck there for way longer than the one day.

At least our schedules are going to be as such, if needed, I can say I've eaten or whatever and she wont get suspicious. How pathetic is it that I've become so good in hiding my issues, I know exactly what to do to look "normal"? Yeah, it's sad.

I'm going to be really upset if I don't get all of the classes I want for next fall. One of my friends and I kind of talked our lit prof into advising an independant study on rhetoric next fall for us. I guess it'll be somewhat easier for me to be doing it with someone else. Having him do it with me will hold me accountable for the work and we can, I guess, help each other out if we dont understand anything. Also though, with papers and such, having him doing the same sort of work will give me someone to compete against grade-wise. Yeah, even now I beat myself up over anything less than a 95%, but to have him there as a reference point to...I guess...one-up...can only work in my favor.

But because of the indepenant study, I can only do one of my polisci classes. So I decided to skip out on Modern Political Thought. When it comes down to it, I probably would have ended up withdrawing from either that or Contemporary Philosophical Issues halfway through the semester because I'm kind of dumb. And by kind of dumb...I mean excruciatingly. And I need to do the philosophy course next semester for the core requirements and so I can do History of Philosophy next spring. And, this means that Tuesdays and Thursdays I wont have class till 11:20! Meaning not only will I be able to run in the morning, but I'll have time to do some reading and such. And...Tuesdays are going to be amazing. Because...all I will have will be my lit class and my independant study. Yay!

I'm actually really really excited for the lit class next semester. I'm getting my friends to do it with me...Caryn from my lit class now and Jennie. Caryn and I are just taking it for the credits and we're in lit now together and work really well together. And Jennie lives in my building and actually needs it for her core.

Actually...looking around my lit class today I realized how we sit by "groups". The super artsy kids sit together, as do the sporty kids, the ones who you know were beaten up every day in high school, the traditional english majors, the overachievers who have a serious case of Hermione Granger syndrome and my "group". The "adults" haha. Except out of the three of us, I'm the only non-adult learner. Whatever. I don't like people my own age. I know how to deal with people on the same mental & stress level as me. Which is good. It keeps me from trying to out myself in the middle of class for not knowing half the things that are being referenced haha.

24 hours form now I will be in the woods with Sonja, sprinkiling pieces of Chandi around. There is no way to make tomorrow night easy. It is going to hurt. She was my family. She saved my life.

And I couldn't save hers...