garden statement

So...I'm back in Jersey. I want to leave already. No. It's not that bad I guess, just really awkward. Mother has been looking down my back ever since I walked in the door this afternoon. It's kind of surreal. My room is exactly how I left it, down to the hidden sets of keys and such (a girl can't give away **all** of her secrets now).

Except that it's not all the same. I ran into Zachary when I was picking up my sushi earlier. Or rather, Zachary and his VERY pregnant wife. I don't even want to do the math on that one. Best of all, he had the audacity to say I looked hot and eyefuck the hell out of me when I was walking in...before he realized it was me, of course. If I'm so hot then how come he and I aren't still together, huh? It was supposed to be Lilith and Zachary forever. Now its Zachary and Mrs. Suzy Homemaker forever with me just looking in at the life I should be living.

But then, I'm not ready to get married. I can't even commit to a major, much less a spouse. I guess it's just depressing that everyone I knew from home has already established themselves as somthing; the artist, the wife, the real-estate developer, the marine. And I'm still in limbo.

...this feeling sucks....