careful where you stand

I'm submitting Drip either later this week or early next. I don't know if it's ready or not, but frankly, I don't care. I need to get it away from me...I need to let go. Don't get me wrong, it would be fantastic if I was published...but it's not about that for me. It's about getting my story out there. Because it is one that needs to be told.

Drip focuses entirely on the hours between 430am and 6am May 1, 2003. Somthing very bad happened and although nowhere in the piece do I say exactly what happened (and I will not say on here nor tell you if you ask me unless I know I have your unequivocal certitude and veneration)...just trust me, it was about as bad as it gets.

"The early glimmers of the sun's rays, usually gentle, began mocking my discraced frame. Sneering at what I had become. Nothing but a mere object, all-to-easily manipulated by my unwavering desire to be loved."

In that early morning hour and a half, I lost what was left of my self-respect. Although I try to not let it define me, sometimes I cannot help it. That experiance, regardless of if it was good or bad, has shaped my psyche in ways I previously thought to be unimaginable. I refuse to become a victim, but I am still trying to recover.

"The sweat pooled off his sinuous frame, almost steaming as it snaked down onto the filthy orange shag carpeting covering the back of his van. I stared at the celing, consciencly attempting to advert every fiber of my being away from the moment. The fabric covering-grey turned oxidized yellow-was pilling and threadbare, occationally spotted by darkened brown burns where some genius had used it as an ashtray. Almost as a cruel joke, the opening chords of 'Polly', played by the masterful genius of Kurt Cobain grainilly oozed from the speakers."

Yup. It's been four years. Four repugnant years of me obsessing over every minute detail of the most degrading, humiliating, macabre ninety minutes of my life.

I think at this point, I'm just looking for closure. I need to absolve myself from this. When I send Drip out into the world, I need to pass my poignant penitence away with it.

I need to start becoming the fighter I tell everyone else to be.