I feel like I am dying. Not physically, mind you. But a little bit of me dies every second I am here. It hasn't even been a week and I'm already craving an escape. Any escape. I don't care if it's the seventh layer of Hell...anything would be a welcome change from where I am right now.
They don't tell you how to deal with this. Nobody understanding, I mean. I was never close with anyone here to begin with and the simple act of being back here has brought so many demons with it. I don't know what to do with myself.
There is so much I can't talk about here. I can't mention the goddesses, or how my friend almost outed himself last night, how much I am jonsing for a cigarette right now, how unsure but not completly unsafe I constantly feel. I am behind an impermiable vail with my emotions and thoughts unable to break free.
It's crazy actually...how at school I am more free and I don't even really know anyone there...but here. Here I am completly trapped amoungst the voices I have heard my entire life.
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