ruby falls

I did it. Drip has officially been sent out to four journals. Except I don't feel the closure I was hoping for. Actually, it's kind of the opposite... like someone dragged a knife through the deepest of scar tissues, reopening the old wound and creating a new one.

If I'm awake and functioning, I'm going to take both of my remaning finals tomorow. Just looking around my room, it's going to take me much longer than I had thought to pack up everything. I'm actually kind of worried that we're not going to be able to get everything into the car and back up to Jersey. I mean, whatever. Worst comes to worse, I ship some of it back via Fed-Ex but...I dont want to have to worry about that.

And it's not that I'm materialistic (ok maybe I am just a little), but I have a pretty strong emotional attachment to a lot of my things here. Like the lava lamp my thirteen year old stepbrother gave me for my windowledge or the collage my friends made for me of everything from senior year or the (now) dried bouquet of lillies Devon sent me the week after he left for Israel. My things are more than things...they're memories.

I definatly think that I may want to be a professer. The past few days have kind of reaffirmed it for me. I mean, Tuesday working with my AmLit study group and then today, helping Karen drill for her Intro to PoliSci stuff...it's kind of made me see that I'm not as stupid as I thought I was. I actually retained some information over the past semester (in the case of AmLit) and life (with PoliSci), but I can do more than regergitate it. I can help explain it without sounding condesending. And I definatly do not mind doing so...especially when I get emails like this from Karen:
Hey u,

Just wanted to tell you how awesome u are. U are d best. Thank u so very much. I know u will do well on your last and all your exam. U are so intelligent. U have made studying so much easier for me. U are a Rock Star!

Hearing that I've helped her out, it just makes it all worth it.

Alright, off to surrender my mind to the Gods of international relations and terrorism theory. It's gonna take somthing special to get me through these exams...