your heart is an empty room

I am done. Done with exams. Yes. Done. Sigh. I thought I would have this overwhelming sence of releif when I was finished, but no. I mean it was there for a second but now I realized, because I slacked off majorly this semester (and doing so horribly that I might be dropped from the school), I have to do better. Seriously. Grad school and the work as a professer or write or work on the Hill...they don't take fuckers like me. They want the good students who'd rather spend time studying than meeting new people. I'm not like that. I love being in class but also, I think there is as much to be learned out of class...from just being around people.

And...tonight. Yeah. MMM. I'm relaxing almost to the point of euphoria. So blissfully content. Almost...happy. But I don't use that word.

I realized...I'm kind of extremly but sort of not I dont know...enamoured....with this one person. I met them at the begining of last semester. And now that I've seen them for so long...not having had the opportunity to at least talk to them in over a week is kind of messing with me. Like, although they didn't know me that well...I think that they almost understood me. And they challenged me, in every sence of the word. Which, I think is important. I mean, I feel that I'm maybe but probably not somewhat intelligent and not just a useless, reckess piece of shit fucker that's bumming aorund and trying to be somthing they're not.

I think I realized my contentment had sunk in when I was driving back to campus. The street...driving at night...it's amazing. Just your headlights breaking into the seemingly infanate darkness, slowly illuminating the uniform road markings...placed like Gretel's breadcrumbs to lead us back from the woods. Except this time. This time the woods contains the few substances ment to enduce this beautiful state. The items we would be inable to survive without.

Because the game as a new objective...just to make it out alive.