little black crow

I just got an email from James. I don't know how to feel. He's my rock. He's the one person left that I know I can trust and will always be there for me. He's in Fallujah right now and well...yeah...

Yo,

Yeah, I'm good. A liitle burnt but its gone already.

On sunday I'm going somwhere very dangerous. You know its dangerous because I'm admitting it is. The truth is I do not know if i will be coming back. I don't know what the odds are but from the look on thae faces of the people who do. Lets just say I've been geeting alot of Good Lucks and You're the best comments from everybody. But, thats why i have to do it. Because I am good at this. Wheather i like it or not I am good at this job.

I don't know what to promise you if i do make back alive. i guess just another letter or e mail until i get home. Its very cold here and the wind is beginning to blow very hard. I don't know what is going to happen. I will do my best to make sure everyone of my guys come back. even if it means I don't get to.

I knew one day my sins would come back to haunt me. I thought I would be older so they have more of a chance to beat me. The weight i bare might be too much for me to handle. i'll guess we'll just have to see who comes out in the end. Told you I fight for the good side. Now I will see how good I really am.

Thanks for writting me all those times and making me tell you stories that made you laugh.

I have to go prepare for everything so I have to go. I have some peole to write and call. I really do love you and appreciate you and i hope you are and stay well.

your soldier boy,
James

Yeah...James has no fear whatsoever. So to have him tell me flat out that he doesn't know if he's coming back scares the shit out of me. I have never been able to conceptualize life without him. For me, there really is no life without James. He is the only person who has never let me down. But that is just how he is. He is an amazing soldier and loves what he does. And he loves his unit. All of the families of the men under his command should have no doubts about their safety because they are all coming back, even if James isnt. But he will come back. He is going to come back and I'm going to get an email where he barely mentions the operation and will bring up some random time when we were down the shore. And then seven months, three days from now I will be there as his unit arrives back on post. James will catch my eye and give me a big hug and it'll be like nothing ever changed.

Because he is James and I am Lilith. And that is how it is always going to be.

James and I made a deal a while ago. I was having a really rough time of it and I was ready to dissapear for good. One night, I just lost it. I started running down the street at three in the morning in the pouring rain. James caulght up to me and ran beside me till I stopped. I sat down, he sat next to me and said, "You go, I go". And that's how it has been since then. So I know James is going to come back because I'm not ready to go and he always keeps his word.

Always.