true confession

let me start this by saying that i'm drunk. and my dad is going to be here at 1 p.m. tomorow to pick me up to visit with me. and i'm drunk. but that is ok. because i am extremly pensive when i am intoxiated. and honist. and because of this...i have some confessions.

1. i truly am my father's daughter. i know i said i would never become him but whoops...i am. sorry mother... i became the man you hate. and i will never ever ever hate him because he loves me unconditionally... and i know you will never be like that. he and i not only have the same physical charactoristics but the same mannerisims. we listen to the same music and like the same food and have the same weakness for vodka. he and i both love high fashion and can appreciate the hilarious stupidity of a movie like dumb and dumber. we both love shopping and love high fashion and constantly spend money we dont have. we like the same politics and...unlike you...he actually gives a damn about races i work on. yeah...when was the last time you ever showed up to an event i was helping with or made a donation to my candidate? yeah...aside from the corzine memorial day event...never. and who actually does things with me... museums...movies...shopping...you? no...i think not. its all him. sorry mother...you suck. and we will NEVER have the relationship daddy and i have. because he actually cares about me whereas you think of me as just somthing else you have to deal with.

2. imiss my campaign people. i mean i know i fucked up big time with jorge and nick and jenn but i miss them. they saved my life. seriously. before i started working on campaigns i was more fucked up than i am now and frankly not in a very good place. but they ...through their own fucked up way of pushing me to the brink of sanity and helping me realize the beauty in a perfectly coalatived mailing or the absolute delicate chaos of walk packets that can be so satisfying. and p.s. during the '04 race i had a MAJOR thing for nick that i'm still not completly over. and jorge...you really hurt me this past cycle when you said i was messed up and trying to grow up too fast. i cant help how i am and if you cant deal wth who i am and dont want to even make the effort to get to know me even though you did so much for me and i never asked for anything then honislty jorge i dont want to know you. and jenn i am so sorry. i never meant to accidently blow cigarette smoke in your face 2 days before e-day. i was having a cigarette with frank and we were talking and he made me laugh right after i inhaled and it came out really hard. i respect you more than any other person i know. you are so smart and talented and so together and i would never ever do anything to intentionally hurt you.

3. i want to save the world. i dont know what that means exactly but i do know a few things:
- good writing can change the world
- the chaos theory is true...there can be order and even beauty within the most fuckedup of messes
- genocide is not a partisan issue. it is a human issue. and if you condone genocide or even try to do so in my presence or i hear about it i will kick your ass.
-i dont know what it is but there is somthing telling me that i need to do somthing to stop the genocide in Darfur. and we cant sit ilidy by on this one...its too important. if you wont help me...i'll do it alone.

4. i am going to be a speechwriter. i love the english language. and i want to do somthing to persuade people. i figure since i love politics and having the opportunity to effect change, i might as well go for it and become a speechwriter. sorry phil and kim...as much as you'd like to think that i'm trying to emulate you....i'm not. deal with it. this is what i should be doing and i guess it's a coincidence that you do it too. and when it comes down to it...i will be at your level because i can write and i am FEARLESS and whether it takes me 3 or 5 years to get to that level depends on if you help me or not. if you dont...it your own fault because youre scared of what i can do. dont worry...i will never steal your jobs unlike you two, i'm loyal.

now...since when i re-read this in a few hours when im sober i'm going to regret this i should probably stop. but whatever. this is the truth i've been so scared to show.