the weight of the world is love

I love that Ginsburg quote. Maybe the oversexed drug addict had something going for him... Such a profound statement "the weight of the world is love", with such a simple meaning. The world is carried by the most complex and in the same, simple, idea of love. If I had a soul, I may even think of that as a beautiful idea. But I don't. Whoops.

I love. I have love. There is a difference. A strong one. Love, in my mind is for more serious things... relationships, the Goddesses, my candidates, the few people I let get close to me. Whereas, I have love for much more; family, West Wing, wine, a good book, a great fuck. And it is the quiet dance between the two loves that make the world work.

As a little girl, I couldn't wait to fall in love. And now that I have, and have gotten hurt, I do not want to go back. I fell hard and I'm still working on picking up the pieces. And while I'm working on that, I can't wait to fall again.

Looking for love in all the wrong places doesn't even begin to describe the process, though. I don't even know what I'm looking for. I know. Pathetic. I want to be loved so badly I put myself through so many bad dates, on which I spend the entire time convincing myself that it's not as bad as it seems (when really it's much worse...). I sleep with married men to feel loved. Needed. Desired. Then try to convince them of my need for them in my life. Forever. Love will not come from that, I know. But on the off chance that it does, I'm willing to try anything.

I need my world to bring me back down.