where i stand

One of my best friends, Christine, and I got an apartment off campus. Hood said I could still live on campus, but frankly, after all of this drama I'm kind of done with it. It'll be good for me to live off campus. And I'm still going to be around campus enough... I'm taking 18 credits, doing ROTC and working for Institutional Research, plus maybe getting a research position with a professor. So it's not like I won't be seeing my friends... because I clearly will. And the apartment is really cute, it has this amazing exposed brick in the master bedroom (my room!), all new stainless steel appliances and a gorgeous balcony where we can put flowers and such. Yay. 

I leave for Ft. Knox in 20 days. I'm nervous. I'm actually more nervous for my DoDMERB physical on Friday than LTC. I'm just really scared of doctors... I've never had good experiences with them and I work myself into a tiff before seeing them and it just makes the whole situation so much more stressful than it needs to be. I'm thinking of asking my Mom to come with me and hold my hand. I know... I'm freaking 20 and should be able to go to the doctor alone, but it's just one of those things I like to have someone there for. 

Speaking of doctors, that's where I was earlier. I woke up not being able to breathe. Major panic attack. The breathing thing is really good, you know? I think it was probably the change in weather (we've gone from 60 degrees to 94 degrees in two days...grr) that messed me up. So they drew some blood and determined that I'm just stressed. Which , truth in advertising, I am. But they also want me not to run or train or anything till Tuesday. Yeah, that's not going to happen. Running is the only thing that really de-stresses me. There's nothing like waking up before the sun and being the only one on the road. It's become so automatic for me, like brushing my teeth. I don't think about it in the morning, I just do it. There's no question about it in my mind.

Michael and I talked last night. I think he and I are gonna be ok. Right now, we're good as just friends. We're both ok with that, even though we're both still madly in love. He's not thrilled that I'm doing ROTC, only because he doesn't want me to see war. But I want to be there, and he respects that. I'm trying to go down to Florida when he's back on leave in August, I just need to find a job in Frederick first, off campus and reasonably close to the apartment. OMG YAY. I just realized that now I have the apartment, it's going to be so much easier to have him over when he's in DC. Yayyyy. I really care about him. Michael's my first real love and I don't think you ever get over that. I don't think you're supposed to, either. Nor do I want to. Last night, before we hung up, we were talking about the last time we spent the day together. It was so cliche, but it was amazing. We went to this little park about a mile from his house with a blanket and just lay out talking. It was so perfect. Anyway, last night Michael said that was the happiest he's ever been in his whole life. It's just those things that make me love him even more...

I still haven't gotten my tattoo. At this point, with only 20 days, I don't think it's smart to get, unless I go tomorrow or Monday after work because of the healing time. But I have the perfect dragonfly I want so we're all set.