jewel to sparkle

i think i've finally come to the realization that devoting my (present) life to academia is going to have/is having some major effects on my psyche.

i made a commitment earlier this year not to b.s. my work and so far i havent. this not only shows that i'm becoming more mature but also is giving me some much needed structure. i no longer can go out every single night and have that not mess up my schoolwork. no, most nights now i can be found in my room, surrounded by books, notebooks and flashcards. the funny thing is...is that i'm more content devoting more time to schoolwork than i was when i was partying nonstop.

and an added befefit of not going out as much is that now i actually have some money in my bank account. which is really important. i dont like having to ask for money from my family...i dont like having the idea that i need their help...and now i dont need it. i'm actually going to be able to make a payment on my credit card! and not the minimum one! and hopefully...soon i'll be able to make a downpayment on a new car. i'd really like to have my car situation taken care of by the end of april. i'm thinking either the prius or a civic hybrid. but also hyundai has a new thing on the sonata where it is $999 down and $190/month. that might be the way to go. i dont know yet.

i bought some new clothes yesterday after talking with frank. i think i needed to buy somthing new...somthing that made me feel pretty cuz god knows i dont. but, i got these really cute taupe bermudas, a tan 3/4 sleve henly with hearts all over it =) , some black flipflops and a new pair of sunglasses. just a cute outfit for me to relax in. and you can never have too many pairs of flipflops or sunglasses. never.

its been kind of grey the past few days. nice, but grey and rainy. i like it. it's like the world is just relaxing and enjoying the beauty of rain. i know it's kind of dumb (and by kind of, i mean extremly) but there's this scene in the wynona ryder movie version of "little women"...right when beth is dying and jo walks over to the window and sees the rain. its very cheesy but the rain in that scene was very peaceful, almost as a foil of beth's drift into death.

yes...i used foil in a sentence to describe contemporarys. it's ok. i'm allowed to. cuz i'm a dork like that.

for the paper i'm working on now...the lit one...im using flashcards to organize my thoughts & quotes. is it bad that i color code them...like pink for each of the rhetorical devices, orange for the example quote and yellow for the explainition of the quote with green for my intro & conclusion paragraphs. yes. i am tad bit obsessive when it comes to papers. and the really pathetic thing abuot this one is that it only has to be 3-5 pages. so i figure...half to 3/4 page each for the intro & conclusion, then a page for each of the cannons, with an explanition of how to use it and a quote from each text. that should put me somewhere around 5 i think. i mean...i dont think my prof will kill me if i go over by like a paragraph or whatever but i'd like to keep it within the guidelines. plus...i think itll help keep my paper more structured.

structure and i dont get on that well. in more ways than one...