today was a good day. the first one i've had in a while. hopefully there will be more to come. i know i went on about the fantastic weather earlier but wow...i think it got nicer throughout the day.
after this concert i had to go to for music class, i went out onto the quad with some homework and a blanket and studied with kins, ray and madison. it was really nice...just being outside, relaxing, while we tried to get our work done for the upcoming week. i think that's how sundays at college should be spent. everyone should be outside...some guys playing soccer, then lacross, then catch (and trying to show off for the girls), small clusters of students desperate for a change of scenery while they try to comprehend their academics.
after dinner, anora and i ended up sitting out on the balcony with our books and took in the dusk air. if i didnt have so much reading to do i would have grabbed my camera. the light was so perfect. blasted schoolwork.
but at least i finished my lit outline. and even emailed it in to my prof for feedback. its scary. i'm becoming a good student. i'm really proud of myself. i said i was going to have an outline in to her by midnight and i beat my deadline by like 3 hours. and...not like i'm desperate for good vibes or anything...but from what i can tell from her email, i didnt fuck up too badly. i really want an A on this paper...if only to prove that i can hold my own in a class full of upperclass english majors as a freshman polisci major with a strange affinity for literature.
i even passed on a party tonight so i could do homework & read & get ready for the upcoming week... plus i have religion at 930 tomorrow am. i need to start doing well in that class. i know its going to be really really hard to get above at C at this point but i'm going to aim for at least a B and we'll see what happens. and no...i havent missed the irony of me failing a religion class. i know. god hates me. but i can deal with that. i dont like him that much either.
not even god...but a lot of people hate me. i think i'm just one of those people that nobody really likes. they tolerate me because it'd be impolite not to but i'm so fucked up that it's hard to be friends with me. too bad. i'm not changing.
i can deal with people not liking me. ive tried for way too long to get everyone to like me and i was so unhappy that i didnt even like myself. so we're not doing that again. i figure, screw them if they dont like me. ive done pretty well for myself being a loner and if i'm not meant to have friends than i'm not.
plus...the only one you can ever really trust is yourself.
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