a wish

New rule...I need to not crush on people I know I can never get. I think I'm starting to realize that I've crushed so many times and done a lot of stupid things to try to make said person like me...and it's never worked out in my favor. Which really sucks.

I mean, even now...I can't get Mike out of my head. Its weird though. We have such a weird dynamic that I almost don't want it to be anything more because I don't want to screw up what we have. But then...what if? What if we could be somthing more and I don't go for it? What if he's the one and I let him go? Then I'm just screwed.

And I don't even know if he likes me. I know I sound like a thirteen year old but I don't care. I'm just not the person to be upfront and let someone know that I'm into them. I guess because I don't want to have to deal with rejection. And I'm shy as hell. But whatever.

I'm just so exahusted. Not even just from stressing about this but everything. I had a yard sale today in an attempt to continue purging the things I've accumliated and don't need at all (I mean, who really needs 10 couches?) and damn...they're a lot of work. Having to barter and be all friendly and such...not really my thing. Especially when I had work last night at Lotus. Which, by the way, I love.

Tomorrow is Father's Day and my step-cousin's birthday party and Rainna's divorceaversary. So I'm doing the brunch thing in the morning with Dad, Chella's party in the afternoon then getting hammered with Rainna tomorrow night. I can't believe it's been three years since she got divorced. I mean, yeah she got married way to young to an asshole. But whatever. At least now I have my drinking buddy back. Seriously. This girl and I are dangerous together when we go out. We can drink anyone and everyone under the table. We're just classy like that.

I miss school people. I feel bad that I haven't been down to Mayland to visit anyone but between classes, my writing program, camp and work...I have no time. At least some of my rockstars are coming up first weekend in August.

Sigh. C'est la vie.