brilliant caution

Why I want a cigarette right now:

1. Mike texted me this morning when I was in class, just to tell me he thinks I'm beautiful. If he saw how I looked at that very moment in baggy jeans, a black French Conncetion tee and flipflops...I'm sure he would have disagreed. I can't stand being called beautiful. It makes me feel so uncomfortable and disgusting and fake.

2. My brother, once again, thought it would be fun to practice his right hook on my head while I was passed out. Who doesn't love being woken up to that, I don't know. Best of all, I once again get bitched at for him doing it and have lovley bruses and a cut. At least it makes me look like a badass. Whatever. I was stupid and should have locked my door before I lay down anyways.

3. Today is my Dad's 50th birthday and I forgot till after I bitched at him on the phone this morning. When I realized, I was immediatly like "o fuck!" and called to fake good daughter. But still, it doesn't make it better.

4. Lotus hired four new girls so everyone's hours got slashed. It sucks. None of them even have their bartending lisence so I know as soon as we're working the same time hours I'm going to have to do everything for them.

5. Also with my brother, he thought it'd be fun to steal my cellphone and read through my texts. Most of which were between me and Michael. And because he's a fucking sociopath, my brother decided to read them outloud to all of his friends...all of which are immature shitfaces much like himself. He is why people like me have issues.

6. I compeltely binged over the past two days. And by binge, I mean eat like a normal person. More than just iced tea, wine, vodka, citrus and cucumber, you know. But regardless, now I feel like a fucking heffer and all I want to do is throw up.

7. Dance is tonight and for some reason, my depth perception is messing with me. This means everything I do tonight with distance and spacing is going to be off. So basically I'm going to look like a moron.

8. My exboyfriendexfianceperson is going to my dad's party Sunday. He works now at the bike shop my dad goes to now, and he invited everyone who works there. I maen, he's there enough it's like his second home. But anyways, now Zach is going to be there and I haven't seen him since he decided I am/was too not right for him.

9. (Time for me to be really materialistic...) My new Coach bag gor rained on and even though it's dry now, it has spots. They're really faint but still. Now it's not perfect.

10. Because of my inability to say no to anyone or anything, I agreed to babysit my friend's daughter Friday for the entire afternoon. Except I have workshop Friday morning for two hours and work that night from 10 to close. There goes my time to unwind and start cooking for my Dad's party.

11. I still haven't found my Dad a good birthday gift. I mean, I found some stuff that is ok (clothes from Urban Outfitters, signed & framed portrait of Greg Lamond, a new Camelback water thing for when he bikes...) but nothing that I think says 50th birthday gift.

Yup. Things need to stop sucking. Now, please.