the sun will always rise...

I think today is the start of a new era. I finally had the talk with school Mike. Or rather, I was slightly tipsy and went over to his place. We chill and then we talked. About everything. And... I think it's going to be ok. As much as I don't want to believe it right now, Mike and I can never be together. He's looking for love, not lust.. as he put it. And I'm too insane. And too... I think we honestly deserve being more than each other's last option. It's not healthy for me, or fair to him, to keep looking back on whatever he and I were doing for a while. Even though it's going to suck pretty bad for a while... it's just one of those things I'm going to have to deal with. And... maybe I need to just take some time off boys for a while. I need to start focusing on myself and fixing myself before I can even begin even postulating being in a healthy relationship with someone. I need to commit to making serious changes. Not just so I can maybe someday be with someone and not completely self-destruct but also... I need to stop being complacent with the situation I've created for myself. There has to be more than this...