lose control

Things you don't know about me and probably don't really care to... but are gonna find out:
-I love my eating disorder. There's something powerful about being in total control. Purging water after a fast and knowing you're completely empty is the best high I've ever tried.
-Doing drugs makes me feel sexy. Especially acid.
-I can't produce when I'm happy.
-I tried to kill myself for the first time when I was ten by overdosing on cold meds. All that happened is that I threw up all over the place and got to miss school for two days.
-My scars are the only thing on my body that I'm not repulsed by.
-I really hate most of the people in my family.
-I buried my best friend last year.
-Freshman year of high school, in a freak accident, a tree fell on a table of kids, killing one. I was supposed to be at that table with them during break except I was in the bathroom throwing up my breakfast.
-Being in crisis is the only state I feel even somewhat comfortable in. I cannot simply tolerate being normal.
-I'm still in love with him.
-I have serious father-figure issues.
-The evening before the New Hampshire primary, I slept with a married Secret Service member.
-I was drunk or high for the entire first month back here last semester.
-I resent my friend for asking the right questions.
-I want to run away to Africa and start over. I'm seriously considering it, actually.
-Even though I've been hurt so many times, I'd take any of them back in an instant, just to be held again.
-I couldn't care less about a majority of the people I hang out with at home.
-I only smoke because I look like a smoker.
-Quod mi nutrit, mi distruit. Forever.

FUCK YOU ALL