have you ever...

So a week from now, I'm going to be sitting in my Latin class. Freaking surreal.

Yesterday was actually really fun. I thought it was going to be a disaster, being subjected to an entire day of family bonding and all. But we ended up going to the track to watch the horses...which I LOVE. And I'm a monster when it comes to betting on the races. I guess that comes from being obsessed with all things equine for a solid decade of my life. The track is so surreal. You have such an eclectic group of people; burnt out stablehands, white-trash families looking for a cheep way to spend a Sunday afternoon, fat Italian men dressed in their best suits with cigars hanging out the side of their mouth...all grasping their bets with a glimmer of hope in their eyes. Hope that their horse will push ahead and get their overworked, juvinile nose across the wire first and give them a win. Me. I just like the horses. I go down to the paddock between races to see the horses up close. Sometimes I'll look them in the eye. When I do that, and if the horse stops for a second, I know that they're my guy. I don't know. They're probably not even cognisant of me, but it's what I've always done.

And last night, I finally cut my ties to Alex. I told him that it's not fair to keep telling me about all of these other girls he's seeing but how he's never happy with them. It makes me feel like crap when he does that because I know that he thinks of me as just another girl for him to mess around with but then comes to me with all of his issues. It's like I'm playing the part of girlfriend without any of the job security. Not to mention he shattered my heart...or what was left of it...numerous times. I'm done with that. I think I've finally realized I need to cut the jackassary out of my life. So. Alex is gone. (lets see how long this lasts...)

It's raining. I love the rain. It's supposed to rain all week, which I really don't mind. Except that I was going to go down the shore tomorrow with Anora to tan before we go back to school. Oh well. I guess I'm just going to have to deal with being freakishly pale. Boo.

Mike is...amazing. We talked for like three hours this morning. I love how I can just be totally random and he doesn't care at all.

I still don't know what I'm going to do about Adam. I mean, I know I SHOULD break up with him. But he has a lot going on otherwise, with his family. Serious stuff. He's kind of in a precarious place right now and I don't want to do anything that would put him over the edge. If anything, I think he actually really loves me. And I don't want to be the one to hurt him like that.

Sigh.