Growing up less than 15 minutes from NYC for the better part of my life has, without a question, affected my personality. I walk fast; know how to order REAL sushi (not California rolls); drink black coffee; run for fun every morning; know that you can never be too rich or too thin. I'm ok with that. I guess I just never really thought about how my New Yorkerish comes off to everyone else. Like last night, I went to the mall with some friends and one suggested that we go into a store tailored towards plus-sized women. Now, I'm not trying to come off as being a size-OO or anything cuz I'm so clearly not, but I guess I never realized till then that my friends were bigger than I am. Every time I look in the mirror, I see a disgusting, fat slob but in the store last night, they didn't even carry my size cuz it's too small for them. I just don't get it. I mean, I come from a culture where looking like you've eaten at all over the past two weeks is a crime so to be shopping at a store which encourages women to dress what they have and continue to look the way they do just seems so wrong to me. And then my friends got really mad at me when I went into a dress shop and they realized they couldn't fit into anything there. I'm sorry guys if I wanted to see if they had a dress I've been looking at for Winter Formal and that going into the fatgirl store made me feel disgusting. I'm sorry if even though I have far from the perfect body, I still work to improve what I have and that makes me thinner than you. Maybe guys, I mean I love you to death and all, you should get up off your asses once and a while and hit the gym or something.
Messiah is coming up and I am really worried the dress I have isn't going to look right. I still need to drop another 15 or 20 by the 17th which is totally doable... it's just that, even then, I know my dress isn't going to look as good as it should. I just want to be perfect so bad. And if it takes dying to get there, so be it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I want to lose 10 punds too. They are stuck. I do a lot of walking. But I can still fit into my 15 yr old clothes...so that 's not too bad.
All the ready-made dresses here are made for stick figures. I get mine stitched at the tailors, buy some too.
You are older than my 15 yr old neice who lives in Canada, but your blog helps me understand what mahima feels.
How can you lose that weight in such a short time? don 't starve youself. But when i was age I starved myself thin. But now I don 't have any self control.
Post a Comment