clarity within beauty

I met with my creative writing professor earlier today and we tried to rework "Accidental Conception". I guess I am somewhat ok with how it is now. But not so much. Anyways... here is where we are at right now.

Accidental Conception
Misery loves company.
Misery is crowding me.
Misery is holding a party
and I am the guest of honour.

See it and believe, you ugly bird.
We're covering my page with blood-red Crayola.
Does not come out.
Mummy's furniture has been used and stained.

Out through the glass, I see me cracking.
No matter,
let Fitzgerald pick up the pieces.
It is what we pay him for now, no?

My eyes, a vacant abyss,
delightfully absent from the scene.
Voices expelling carcinogenic
intentions, once meticulously concealed.
A mere

thought. Some secret, toxic knowledge-
a joke that amused them with its blatant perversity
and no one else.
Aside from the obvious peculiarities, they saw this.

Untyer.
Untyer.
I don't want to be.

Beautiful epic and I'm one less kid on Santa's lap.
With so much bloody rage, thank goodness it's the
holidays

and everything else is red.

Sin against conception.
Sin against an animal.
Sin against the truth.
Sin against a blade of grass.
It's all congruent at the table.
________mpr.8.november.2007.___________

I decided I really do like my creative writing professor. She really really REALLY understands where I am coming from as an author. She gets that I relish in the complexity of poetry and that I refuse to have my poetry read as just a paragraph with broken-up lines. But moreso, she appreciates that I take risks with my writing. No one has really ever told me that before and coming from someone I respect and admire, that means a lot. In a way though, I kind of miss my lit classes from last year. They made me THINK which is important. And that's the kind of writer I want to be. I want my poetry to be something you can read over and over and over and over but never get tired of it. I want you to have to stop and think after each reading. I want you to just acknowledge that I can write and that YOU basically encouraged that. I want you to sit and ask me why and how and tell me what you think.

I'm willing to take one on the chin, as long as I've got your attention