do you like solitude

Michael hasn't bothered to call or text or anything over the past 36 hours. Which is weird. Because I can't stop thinking about him. And I thought we were a thing. I mean...it doesn't get much clearer then when someone says they aren't interested in anyone else but you. Whatever.

I need some pills. Which is presenting to be a much bigger problem then I thought. My dad is finally starting to catch on that I'm just a bit of a pillhead and actually asked me earlier if I wanted to see a psychiatrist to help me out. To which I told him to go fuck a camel and went outside for a cigarette. But now that he's suspicious, I can't be siphoning off his stash anymore nor can I carry and leave them in my bag unattended, for fear he might search. I know my whorebag mother went through my room at her place. The worst she would have found though are some Codine, some rum left over from a party (and by party, I mean me getting obliterated with the whores I tried to leave behind in high school) and maybe some pot. But nothing major.

And it's not like I don't have the cash. I pulled in a solid $200 in tips over the past two nights which isnt too bad for a Sunday/Monday happy hour. I just don't have the effort to go and search. To call up all of my old contacts would frankly be exhausting. They'd wonder why. Why now do I call them. And I'd have to fake care about their lives...who they're fucking, what they're writing, what resturants they've been to when all I really want is somthing. I'll really take anything. I don't care what it is...as long as I'm not straight I don't really care.