My liver still hurts from Wednesday night.
...and I don't think that's a good thing.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
light pollution
Yesterday was a pretty good day. All together, entirely unproductive (aside from dusting the bookshelf and clearing the clutter off my desk), but fun nonetheless. I didn't intend to not work on my honours paper or revise my short story or read for philosophy... but I guess the glorious autumnal air decided it was not in the cards.
I ended up going to Starbucks with friends and discussing... everything ranging from the prevalence of spirituality in contemporary society to the potential effect of Norman Mailer's death on the 'serious novel'... for the better part of the afternoon. I really do appreciate days like that. Good conversation over coffee with two of the more genuine people I know can never be a bad thing.
The new garcon came over last evening. We were sending each other text messages all day, about the most random things and he said he wanted to see my cute face lol. He comes over and my roommate Ashley, her boyfriend, new boy and I end up taking a celebratory shot of vodka for Ash's 20th birthday. I think that kind of helped break the ice. As bad as it is to say, I think that helped me and new boy get more comfortable. It really was the first time he and I hung out alone and had a chance to get to know each other. He really is a nice person, very intelligent, planning on going to law school (as if that really matters). And he brought up the ex-girlfriend situation, which I thought was very risky of him. Turns out, he had been having some pretty intense second thoughts about seeing her and decided to break it off when he realized it wasn't working. That kind of put my mind at ease, I guess. I didn't want to be the reason he broke up with her. I'm not that girl, nor do I want to be. He asked me about Messiah formal which is this coming Saturday and wants to go with me. I think that will be fun, not only to go with him but to have a date. I don't mind just going with a bunch of friends but it is kind of awkward when we're taking pictures and dancing if everyone else has a boy with them. I know I don't need one, but it's like a new pair of shoes... just a nice thing to have.
Untitled
I ended up going to Starbucks with friends and discussing... everything ranging from the prevalence of spirituality in contemporary society to the potential effect of Norman Mailer's death on the 'serious novel'... for the better part of the afternoon. I really do appreciate days like that. Good conversation over coffee with two of the more genuine people I know can never be a bad thing.
The new garcon came over last evening. We were sending each other text messages all day, about the most random things and he said he wanted to see my cute face lol. He comes over and my roommate Ashley, her boyfriend, new boy and I end up taking a celebratory shot of vodka for Ash's 20th birthday. I think that kind of helped break the ice. As bad as it is to say, I think that helped me and new boy get more comfortable. It really was the first time he and I hung out alone and had a chance to get to know each other. He really is a nice person, very intelligent, planning on going to law school (as if that really matters). And he brought up the ex-girlfriend situation, which I thought was very risky of him. Turns out, he had been having some pretty intense second thoughts about seeing her and decided to break it off when he realized it wasn't working. That kind of put my mind at ease, I guess. I didn't want to be the reason he broke up with her. I'm not that girl, nor do I want to be. He asked me about Messiah formal which is this coming Saturday and wants to go with me. I think that will be fun, not only to go with him but to have a date. I don't mind just going with a bunch of friends but it is kind of awkward when we're taking pictures and dancing if everyone else has a boy with them. I know I don't need one, but it's like a new pair of shoes... just a nice thing to have.
Untitled
I stole the caution tape.
Obnoxiously yellow against the charred Earth,
its plastic body leaving behind a faint trail of droplets
as a rare reminder of my indiscretions.
or my need to amalgamate myself to your growing freedom.
Both unfinished
yet
here.
Transcending all we know
on our own construction site.
Self-contractors creating the illusion of a future.
There’s a hazard in our building
within the cracked brick and termite-laden brownstone.
Dark,
drop beyond the realms of consciousness.
The fear of falling into you
and collapsing into your hidden darkness.
___________________mpr.11.November.2007.____________________
Saturday, November 10, 2007
blow it off
I really don't want to be at Hood anymore, I decided. I know, college is what I make of it and the fact that I'm graduating in two semesters makes it not only pointless but also impossible to transfer anywhere... but it still sucks. I hate living with a roommate. I really do. I need to have my own space where I can write and concentrate and not have to worry about people who I'm not exactly fans of come into the room to chill with her. It's not fair for me to feel uncomfortable in a place that I am supposed to call home while I'm here. I've talked to the various Deans and the only way for me to get a single room for next semester is to have a physician submit documentation saying that I need one for medical reasons. That's not a problem, except it would require me going to the doctor which I'm not about to do because I don't feel like paying ridiculous amounts for what is really just an unnecessary expense.
And in class, aside from creative writing and women in politics, I feel like I'm wasting my time. It's really not a good thing that I don't need to study or even put in any effort on my papers to get high marks. I think the lowest I've gotten this year has been a 98%. It's just to damn easy. And one of my other polisci professors is really getting on my nerves. He's 74 years old, anti-feminist, hardcore Republican and anti-choice. I made the mistake of advocating Democratic principles in his class when he was ranting on how the only thing wrong with America is the Democratic Party. Now, any example he gives is negative towards the Clintons or the Kennedys. Best of all, he looks directly at me when he does it. I'm not going to take that, obviously, so I counter every example with an equal of the Republican Party, but it's not right. Class should be more than partisan bickering.
...........
Completely changing gears, I had the weirdest dream last night. From what I remember, it was Thanksgiving but we were eating sushi and drinking saki instead of the traditional stuff. But best of all, we were all speaking Greek. It was just really weird. I think it's just my intense cravings for uni sashimi coming out. And my trepidation over going home for Thanksgiving. My father and his wife just moved and I really want to spend the holiday with them and then do Friday night dinner with my mother, aunts and uncles. But when I stated my intentions to my mother she started crying, claiming abandonment. WHATEVER. I think she isn't ready to accept that I'm almost 20 and have been making decisions on my own for quite some time now, most of them being much more important than where I celebrate a holiday that praises the pillagers who destroyed the indigenous peoples. Yes, trading corn for measles. Sweet. Also though, I really want my cousin and his wife to come up but I doubt they will. They're both working on a campaign right now and things are really starting to heat up with that. I don't know. I saw them for maybe five minutes last year and I want them to be there this year when I break the news about the campaign I'm working on and the job offer to the family. They've never even acknowledged that I work in politics and just to see their reaction when I tell them that I am the communications director and head speech-writer for a top-tier congressional race would be priceless. I haven't even gotten my degree yet and I'm senior-staff. My cousin's wife isn't even senior-staff on the race they're working on. Hell yeah I intend to shock them and enjoy every single second of it.
And with the Greek, there's this guy I'm kind of interested in. He's Greek and I want HIM. He's really sweet. My one concern is that he just broke up with his girlfriend the day after he and I first hung out. I don't want to jump into anything either but if that's what he expects... I don't know.
We'll see what happens...
And in class, aside from creative writing and women in politics, I feel like I'm wasting my time. It's really not a good thing that I don't need to study or even put in any effort on my papers to get high marks. I think the lowest I've gotten this year has been a 98%. It's just to damn easy. And one of my other polisci professors is really getting on my nerves. He's 74 years old, anti-feminist, hardcore Republican and anti-choice. I made the mistake of advocating Democratic principles in his class when he was ranting on how the only thing wrong with America is the Democratic Party. Now, any example he gives is negative towards the Clintons or the Kennedys. Best of all, he looks directly at me when he does it. I'm not going to take that, obviously, so I counter every example with an equal of the Republican Party, but it's not right. Class should be more than partisan bickering.
...........
Completely changing gears, I had the weirdest dream last night. From what I remember, it was Thanksgiving but we were eating sushi and drinking saki instead of the traditional stuff. But best of all, we were all speaking Greek. It was just really weird. I think it's just my intense cravings for uni sashimi coming out. And my trepidation over going home for Thanksgiving. My father and his wife just moved and I really want to spend the holiday with them and then do Friday night dinner with my mother, aunts and uncles. But when I stated my intentions to my mother she started crying, claiming abandonment. WHATEVER. I think she isn't ready to accept that I'm almost 20 and have been making decisions on my own for quite some time now, most of them being much more important than where I celebrate a holiday that praises the pillagers who destroyed the indigenous peoples. Yes, trading corn for measles. Sweet. Also though, I really want my cousin and his wife to come up but I doubt they will. They're both working on a campaign right now and things are really starting to heat up with that. I don't know. I saw them for maybe five minutes last year and I want them to be there this year when I break the news about the campaign I'm working on and the job offer to the family. They've never even acknowledged that I work in politics and just to see their reaction when I tell them that I am the communications director and head speech-writer for a top-tier congressional race would be priceless. I haven't even gotten my degree yet and I'm senior-staff. My cousin's wife isn't even senior-staff on the race they're working on. Hell yeah I intend to shock them and enjoy every single second of it.
And with the Greek, there's this guy I'm kind of interested in. He's Greek and I want HIM. He's really sweet. My one concern is that he just broke up with his girlfriend the day after he and I first hung out. I don't want to jump into anything either but if that's what he expects... I don't know.
We'll see what happens...
Thursday, November 8, 2007
clarity within beauty
I met with my creative writing professor earlier today and we tried to rework "Accidental Conception". I guess I am somewhat ok with how it is now. But not so much. Anyways... here is where we are at right now.
Accidental Conception
Misery loves company.
Misery is crowding me.
Misery is holding a party
and I am the guest of honour.
See it and believe, you ugly bird.
We're covering my page with blood-red Crayola.
Does not come out.
Mummy's furniture has been used and stained.
Out through the glass, I see me cracking.
No matter,
let Fitzgerald pick up the pieces.
It is what we pay him for now, no?
My eyes, a vacant abyss,
delightfully absent from the scene.
Voices expelling carcinogenic
intentions, once meticulously concealed.
A mere
thought. Some secret, toxic knowledge-
a joke that amused them with its blatant perversity
and no one else.
Aside from the obvious peculiarities, they saw this.
Untyer.
Untyer.
I don't want to be.
Beautiful epic and I'm one less kid on Santa's lap.
With so much bloody rage, thank goodness it's the
holidays
and everything else is red.
Sin against conception.
Sin against an animal.
Sin against the truth.
Sin against a blade of grass.
It's all congruent at the table.
________mpr.8.november.2007.___________
I decided I really do like my creative writing professor. She really really REALLY understands where I am coming from as an author. She gets that I relish in the complexity of poetry and that I refuse to have my poetry read as just a paragraph with broken-up lines. But moreso, she appreciates that I take risks with my writing. No one has really ever told me that before and coming from someone I respect and admire, that means a lot. In a way though, I kind of miss my lit classes from last year. They made me THINK which is important. And that's the kind of writer I want to be. I want my poetry to be something you can read over and over and over and over but never get tired of it. I want you to have to stop and think after each reading. I want you to just acknowledge that I can write and that YOU basically encouraged that. I want you to sit and ask me why and how and tell me what you think.
I'm willing to take one on the chin, as long as I've got your attention
Accidental Conception
Misery loves company.
Misery is crowding me.
Misery is holding a party
and I am the guest of honour.
See it and believe, you ugly bird.
We're covering my page with blood-red Crayola.
Does not come out.
Mummy's furniture has been used and stained.
Out through the glass, I see me cracking.
No matter,
let Fitzgerald pick up the pieces.
It is what we pay him for now, no?
My eyes, a vacant abyss,
delightfully absent from the scene.
Voices expelling carcinogenic
intentions, once meticulously concealed.
A mere
thought. Some secret, toxic knowledge-
a joke that amused them with its blatant perversity
and no one else.
Aside from the obvious peculiarities, they saw this.
Untyer.
Untyer.
I don't want to be.
Beautiful epic and I'm one less kid on Santa's lap.
With so much bloody rage, thank goodness it's the
holidays
and everything else is red.
Sin against conception.
Sin against an animal.
Sin against the truth.
Sin against a blade of grass.
It's all congruent at the table.
________mpr.8.november.2007.___________
I decided I really do like my creative writing professor. She really really REALLY understands where I am coming from as an author. She gets that I relish in the complexity of poetry and that I refuse to have my poetry read as just a paragraph with broken-up lines. But moreso, she appreciates that I take risks with my writing. No one has really ever told me that before and coming from someone I respect and admire, that means a lot. In a way though, I kind of miss my lit classes from last year. They made me THINK which is important. And that's the kind of writer I want to be. I want my poetry to be something you can read over and over and over and over but never get tired of it. I want you to have to stop and think after each reading. I want you to just acknowledge that I can write and that YOU basically encouraged that. I want you to sit and ask me why and how and tell me what you think.
I'm willing to take one on the chin, as long as I've got your attention
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
crapcrakers and cheese
So my professor neglected to tell us at the beginning of the semester that we have to do a poetry recitation. Yeah. Not so much fun. I know I could do something simple with a rhyme scheme and such, like some Dickinson or Frost but I don't think I'm feeling that.
The first thing that came to mind was "Lady Lazarus" by Plath. I think I can get away with that. I don't want to do a safe poem. I know it's going to be Sexton, Plath or Ginsberg... just cuz that's the type of person I am. I want it to be something I can get away with. Something so intrinsically Lilith it jarrs you.
Whatever. I just need to get this done.
The first thing that came to mind was "Lady Lazarus" by Plath. I think I can get away with that. I don't want to do a safe poem. I know it's going to be Sexton, Plath or Ginsberg... just cuz that's the type of person I am. I want it to be something I can get away with. Something so intrinsically Lilith it jarrs you.
Whatever. I just need to get this done.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
one and two and three and four
Growing up less than 15 minutes from NYC for the better part of my life has, without a question, affected my personality. I walk fast; know how to order REAL sushi (not California rolls); drink black coffee; run for fun every morning; know that you can never be too rich or too thin. I'm ok with that. I guess I just never really thought about how my New Yorkerish comes off to everyone else. Like last night, I went to the mall with some friends and one suggested that we go into a store tailored towards plus-sized women. Now, I'm not trying to come off as being a size-OO or anything cuz I'm so clearly not, but I guess I never realized till then that my friends were bigger than I am. Every time I look in the mirror, I see a disgusting, fat slob but in the store last night, they didn't even carry my size cuz it's too small for them. I just don't get it. I mean, I come from a culture where looking like you've eaten at all over the past two weeks is a crime so to be shopping at a store which encourages women to dress what they have and continue to look the way they do just seems so wrong to me. And then my friends got really mad at me when I went into a dress shop and they realized they couldn't fit into anything there. I'm sorry guys if I wanted to see if they had a dress I've been looking at for Winter Formal and that going into the fatgirl store made me feel disgusting. I'm sorry if even though I have far from the perfect body, I still work to improve what I have and that makes me thinner than you. Maybe guys, I mean I love you to death and all, you should get up off your asses once and a while and hit the gym or something.
Messiah is coming up and I am really worried the dress I have isn't going to look right. I still need to drop another 15 or 20 by the 17th which is totally doable... it's just that, even then, I know my dress isn't going to look as good as it should. I just want to be perfect so bad. And if it takes dying to get there, so be it.
Messiah is coming up and I am really worried the dress I have isn't going to look right. I still need to drop another 15 or 20 by the 17th which is totally doable... it's just that, even then, I know my dress isn't going to look as good as it should. I just want to be perfect so bad. And if it takes dying to get there, so be it.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Fright Fest!!!!!!!
I love my girls...
Caitlin and Me. I loved our costumes... and I LOVE this picture... I think the contrast between good (her) and evil (me) is really hot. Not to metion we both look really really really good.
Me, Random Cop at Denny's, Caitlin. Yeah so we walk in the front door after Fright Fest cuz we were craving some breakfast and he's sitting by the counter. I think it went something like this:
Cop-- "Nice costumes...'
Me-- "Thanks! We just came from a Halloween thing at school."
Cop-- "Whatever you girls want to tell people, that's cool."
All the while, Caitlin is laughing her ass off! Classic.
Me and Jeremy. Albeit I was not exactly dressed in the most conservative manner, I am unable to find reason for this guy, after I grab him for a picture, try to grab my ass in turn. Completely unacceptable. He didn't just do it to me, he also tried to feel Caitlin up. It got to the point where I told some of the guy friends we were hanging out with to get him away from us cuz I was seconds away from stomping on him in my disgustingly high stripper heels.
Me (Harajuku Girl), Lisa (Pirate), Caitlin (Cutest Lil Bo' Peep ever!), Kristen (Lazy Bee), Ashley (Dorothy). It's the classic all-girls shot. I have no idea how Caitlin and I managed to wear those shoes all night though. I mean DAMN, look at those heals! I felt sooo tall wearing them though. Which is an accomplishment and a rarity all-in-one cuz umm yeah at barely 5'4" I don't exactly tower over people haha.
Someone who shall remain nameless started throwing a poopfest when Caitlin and I went out for Denny's after FrightFest. Then that person started texting Caitlin and being a complete jackass, acting like he owns her and all. No bueno. So nnamed jackass, this one is for you.
DJ is my lover. End of story...
Caitlin and Me. I loved our costumes... and I LOVE this picture... I think the contrast between good (her) and evil (me) is really hot. Not to metion we both look really really really good.
Me, Random Cop at Denny's, Caitlin. Yeah so we walk in the front door after Fright Fest cuz we were craving some breakfast and he's sitting by the counter. I think it went something like this:Cop-- "Nice costumes...'
Me-- "Thanks! We just came from a Halloween thing at school."
Cop-- "Whatever you girls want to tell people, that's cool."
All the while, Caitlin is laughing her ass off! Classic.
Me and Jeremy. Albeit I was not exactly dressed in the most conservative manner, I am unable to find reason for this guy, after I grab him for a picture, try to grab my ass in turn. Completely unacceptable. He didn't just do it to me, he also tried to feel Caitlin up. It got to the point where I told some of the guy friends we were hanging out with to get him away from us cuz I was seconds away from stomping on him in my disgustingly high stripper heels.
Me (Harajuku Girl), Lisa (Pirate), Caitlin (Cutest Lil Bo' Peep ever!), Kristen (Lazy Bee), Ashley (Dorothy). It's the classic all-girls shot. I have no idea how Caitlin and I managed to wear those shoes all night though. I mean DAMN, look at those heals! I felt sooo tall wearing them though. Which is an accomplishment and a rarity all-in-one cuz umm yeah at barely 5'4" I don't exactly tower over people haha.
Someone who shall remain nameless started throwing a poopfest when Caitlin and I went out for Denny's after FrightFest. Then that person started texting Caitlin and being a complete jackass, acting like he owns her and all. No bueno. So nnamed jackass, this one is for you.
DJ is my lover. End of story...
Saturday, October 27, 2007
crystal geyser water is yummy
I'm really confused right now with my friends. Lisa really likes Tristan and he's not into her. Which is whatever but then last night Lisa goes and "cuddles" all night with Mike.
This is the same Mike who basically used me earlier this year and I let use me earlier in the week and hasn't even looked me in the eye since.
But it's whatever. No regrets anymore. Because in the moment, doing whatever the hell I'm doing is exactly what I want.
Tonight should be fun. Haloween party with Caity and everyone... we're all dressing up and it's gonna be amazing. Love it.
Cheep vodka mixed with dry ice and Sprite is amazing. You don't even taste the vodka anymore.
This is the same Mike who basically used me earlier this year and I let use me earlier in the week and hasn't even looked me in the eye since.
But it's whatever. No regrets anymore. Because in the moment, doing whatever the hell I'm doing is exactly what I want.
Tonight should be fun. Haloween party with Caity and everyone... we're all dressing up and it's gonna be amazing. Love it.
Cheep vodka mixed with dry ice and Sprite is amazing. You don't even taste the vodka anymore.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
that is all
two pieces written during free-write in workshop today... not so great but at least it's something
untitled one
his voice still taunts me.
caressing the ever-so-harsh breeze,
dragging the tiniest pebbles over cliffs
and mocking their downward descent,
kissing the clouds goodbye.
the way he would lick his lips.
it still echoes through the stone cold granite,
sharper than the thorns of the blackberry bush in his garden
under which,
we used to kiss.
early autumn evenings marred by epically swaying trees.
he used to meet me there.
forever and ever unable to exist
anywhere near or far from him.
untitled two
his hands,
the cracked skin still marked by careless slips of pen
used to fit perfectly atop mine.
manly. strong. learn'ed. experienced.
jagged incongruous lines topped by unkempt nails
haphazardly shortened by bouts of nervousness.
such courage to just grab me by the waist and let me know it was ok.
he would open the door for me.
not quite silver, not quite gray or white,
but nothing but black inside.
the leather seats worn by long nights of talking
with those who came before me.
crumpled papers lay askew across the backseat,
lurching forward as he stepped on the accelerator,
the entire car thumping to the sound of sound
of south cali techno and east coast grunge.
never without a bottle of water, half drunk,
conviently placed in the cupholder between the seats,
a barrier between his intentions and my wants.
it might as well have been an ocean.
"why am i not good enough? what is so wrong with what is right in front of you?",
the regrets refuse to leave my psyche unanswered.
"thirsty?" he replied,
and shut the door.
untitled one
his voice still taunts me.
caressing the ever-so-harsh breeze,
dragging the tiniest pebbles over cliffs
and mocking their downward descent,
kissing the clouds goodbye.
the way he would lick his lips.
it still echoes through the stone cold granite,
sharper than the thorns of the blackberry bush in his garden
under which,
we used to kiss.
early autumn evenings marred by epically swaying trees.
he used to meet me there.
forever and ever unable to exist
anywhere near or far from him.
untitled two
his hands,
the cracked skin still marked by careless slips of pen
used to fit perfectly atop mine.
manly. strong. learn'ed. experienced.
jagged incongruous lines topped by unkempt nails
haphazardly shortened by bouts of nervousness.
such courage to just grab me by the waist and let me know it was ok.
he would open the door for me.
not quite silver, not quite gray or white,
but nothing but black inside.
the leather seats worn by long nights of talking
with those who came before me.
crumpled papers lay askew across the backseat,
lurching forward as he stepped on the accelerator,
the entire car thumping to the sound of sound
of south cali techno and east coast grunge.
never without a bottle of water, half drunk,
conviently placed in the cupholder between the seats,
a barrier between his intentions and my wants.
it might as well have been an ocean.
"why am i not good enough? what is so wrong with what is right in front of you?",
the regrets refuse to leave my psyche unanswered.
"thirsty?" he replied,
and shut the door.
Monday, October 22, 2007
hair dye fumes and cotton candy fingers
I just don't care anymore. No regrets from this point on... because in the moment... I was doing EXACTLY what I wanted.
Mother came down this past weekend. It wasn't as bad as I thought. Friday night we just went down to DC for good Ethiopian and ended up meeting Phil & Kim for drinks. It was actually really great seeing P&K... they've both been so busy with HillaryWorld'08 that we haven't had a chance to get together in a while. I think Phil is finally coming to terms with me being a position of influence and power within the political realm. Yeah I'm not quite 20 but I'm senior staff on a competitive congressional race and am known for being nothing short of ruthless. BooYah.
Anyways, Saturday we just shopped. I almost feel bad for my mom because when it comes to clothes and shopping and such, she's so positively clueless and ends up dating herself by either dressing too matronly or way too young. She doesnt have a bad body or anything. I mean, she's not ugly or fat... she just has no idea how to dress. Oh well.
I'm becoming a dark brunette right now. I decided it was time for a change...
Mother came down this past weekend. It wasn't as bad as I thought. Friday night we just went down to DC for good Ethiopian and ended up meeting Phil & Kim for drinks. It was actually really great seeing P&K... they've both been so busy with HillaryWorld'08 that we haven't had a chance to get together in a while. I think Phil is finally coming to terms with me being a position of influence and power within the political realm. Yeah I'm not quite 20 but I'm senior staff on a competitive congressional race and am known for being nothing short of ruthless. BooYah.
Anyways, Saturday we just shopped. I almost feel bad for my mom because when it comes to clothes and shopping and such, she's so positively clueless and ends up dating herself by either dressing too matronly or way too young. She doesnt have a bad body or anything. I mean, she's not ugly or fat... she just has no idea how to dress. Oh well.
I'm becoming a dark brunette right now. I decided it was time for a change...
Monday, October 15, 2007
eyes
Sigh. Tonight just about made up for all of the not so great nights so far. It was just me, Lisa, Tristan, Mike D, Caitlin, George, Brian, Abu and Stephanie. Just the core people, a few beers, a frisbee and a deserted hallway...
Things that were determined tonight:
- Whenever I speak I spread my stupid (thanks Cait!)
- Josh's love stink trumps the most expensive cologne
- Sea aemonomies are just way too cute and don't have male reproductive organs
-Vonnegut would marry me if he wasn't quite so dead
-What the FUCK is the internet?
-I am now to be referred to as "freak out", Cait is "purple sox", Tris is "Mystery Meat", Mike D is "Fort Condom, Josh is "M16" et al.
-One of our polisci profs looks like Predator
I love my friends.
Things that were determined tonight:
- Whenever I speak I spread my stupid (thanks Cait!)
- Josh's love stink trumps the most expensive cologne
- Sea aemonomies are just way too cute and don't have male reproductive organs
-Vonnegut would marry me if he wasn't quite so dead
-What the FUCK is the internet?
-I am now to be referred to as "freak out", Cait is "purple sox", Tris is "Mystery Meat", Mike D is "Fort Condom, Josh is "M16" et al.
-One of our polisci profs looks like Predator
I love my friends.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
ouch
David Rebovich died and that sucks. For you all who have no idea about NJ politics, he was a professor down at Rider University in Lawrenceville and a nonpartisan consultant & commentator. And he's the reason I haven't quit yet. Mainly because he wouldn't let me...
After the '04 cycle losses, I thought I was done. We were doing the postmortem and I went outside for a cigarette. I couldn't take it anymore. I was done and yeah. He basically told me if I quit, he'd lose all respect for me. And Dave knew I needed the constant approval.
Then yesterday I get the call that I really didn't want to get. Apparently he had a heart attack while lecturing and died instantly. He was 58.
Shit sucks.
After the '04 cycle losses, I thought I was done. We were doing the postmortem and I went outside for a cigarette. I couldn't take it anymore. I was done and yeah. He basically told me if I quit, he'd lose all respect for me. And Dave knew I needed the constant approval.
Then yesterday I get the call that I really didn't want to get. Apparently he had a heart attack while lecturing and died instantly. He was 58.
Shit sucks.
fuck it
tristan is over with. three guesses on who fucked it over. yup. yup. yup. yup. yup. lilith did. and it sucks because i actually liked him too.
.......................
and i also did something i told this one person i wouldnt do. whoops. i did. sorry. if you cared, you would have noticed by now.
si vous avez soigné, vous auriez remarqué par maintenant.
ive fallen and i cant get up.
.......................
and i also did something i told this one person i wouldnt do. whoops. i did. sorry. if you cared, you would have noticed by now.
si vous avez soigné, vous auriez remarqué par maintenant.
ive fallen and i cant get up.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
rire par ses déchirures
Wow. Ok. Where did half of the semester go? I seriously cannot believe it's already midterm week! Arugh. Seriously, it's freaking me out a little bit. Last year it did not seem that it went by as fast as the past month and a half have. I guess it's maybe because last year I was so wrapped up in campaign things with Linda that I was only really half-here and the deadline I was counting down to was not Finals and winter vacation, but rather Election Day. Even now, recognizing that half of the semester is gone, December seems so far away.
And yet, I'm completely content. I think. I'm almost...giddy. I mean, I haven't been able to stop laughing and smiling and just being silly even though there's a lot of crap bothering me right now. Yet with all the crap, I know that I cannot control it so I guess it makes it easier. Yeah...I know I can't control the fact that I might be knocked up. Or that my 16 year old brother DID get his 14 year old girlfriend preggers. Or that Mike is into the girl Rob cheated on me with (FUCKING JERKS!!!). Or that my philosophy professor gave me low marks on a paper because it was "too stylistically mature" for her and she thought I must have plagiarized it. Or that my stepmom is a skanky bitch and is using my dad to pay her bills...
I'm happy that I've met Tristan. It's been a couple of weeks now and yeah, we're STILL not (in facebook terms) "in a relationship" but we're dating. He totally said it himself too, it's not just a Lilith-being-stupid-and-girly thing. He's so freaking sweet too... I almost don't know how to take it. Today, even though he doesn't have class till 2, he showed up at 12:30 and just chilled with me till we had to go sit through the most boring lecture...ever. Then after classes we just walked around and explored and watched scary freaking movies. This weekend I don't know what's gonna happen though. It's fall break so we're off this coming Monday and Tuesday and he said he wants to do something this weekend so I'm not sure. I mean, I know I'm probably going to end up staying over at his house one of the days which will be cool. His parents are great and they're cool to hang out with within their own right. This whole dating this is completely foreign to me though. I guess I'm just not used to the whole someone actually doing nice things for me thing. Which is kind of sad.
Oh well. I'm determined not to fuck this one up.
And yet, I'm completely content. I think. I'm almost...giddy. I mean, I haven't been able to stop laughing and smiling and just being silly even though there's a lot of crap bothering me right now. Yet with all the crap, I know that I cannot control it so I guess it makes it easier. Yeah...I know I can't control the fact that I might be knocked up. Or that my 16 year old brother DID get his 14 year old girlfriend preggers. Or that Mike is into the girl Rob cheated on me with (FUCKING JERKS!!!). Or that my philosophy professor gave me low marks on a paper because it was "too stylistically mature" for her and she thought I must have plagiarized it. Or that my stepmom is a skanky bitch and is using my dad to pay her bills...
I'm happy that I've met Tristan. It's been a couple of weeks now and yeah, we're STILL not (in facebook terms) "in a relationship" but we're dating. He totally said it himself too, it's not just a Lilith-being-stupid-and-girly thing. He's so freaking sweet too... I almost don't know how to take it. Today, even though he doesn't have class till 2, he showed up at 12:30 and just chilled with me till we had to go sit through the most boring lecture...ever. Then after classes we just walked around and explored and watched scary freaking movies. This weekend I don't know what's gonna happen though. It's fall break so we're off this coming Monday and Tuesday and he said he wants to do something this weekend so I'm not sure. I mean, I know I'm probably going to end up staying over at his house one of the days which will be cool. His parents are great and they're cool to hang out with within their own right. This whole dating this is completely foreign to me though. I guess I'm just not used to the whole someone actually doing nice things for me thing. Which is kind of sad.
Oh well. I'm determined not to fuck this one up.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Merlot
...aside from making me disgustingly happy feels really good going down. Let's just think about that for a second. It's so smooth and I can feel it warming my whole body (which is a great thing when your dorm room makes the Arctic feel like Tahiti).
I love the piece I'm working on for my writing workshop. I haven't really written anything that I can stand in a while and I miss that feeling...just knowing that I'm creating something worthwhile.
Tonight I'm just hanging out around the dorm. I'm actually ok with that for once. I needed to do laundry anyways and some nights, just sitting around watching Food Network television while writing papers is just what I need to relax.
That and my wine, that is.
I love the piece I'm working on for my writing workshop. I haven't really written anything that I can stand in a while and I miss that feeling...just knowing that I'm creating something worthwhile.
Tonight I'm just hanging out around the dorm. I'm actually ok with that for once. I needed to do laundry anyways and some nights, just sitting around watching Food Network television while writing papers is just what I need to relax.
That and my wine, that is.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
la la la de dah
So yeah. I gave blood today. Coming from someone who has multiple tattoos and piercings this is going to sound really weird, but I cannot stand needles. Just something about the whole process of giving blood is extremely perverse too. I mean, we were sitting around on our uncomfortable, nylon chairs with our right arms out with needles and bags attached to them. We could all see each other's blood flowing from the veins and slowly filling the bags with dark red almost purple blood. Parts of each other that just seconds prior were safely inside the veins....now...not.
Tristan and I are still hanging out. He wasn't feeling well earlier but after his late class let out he came over for coffee and a movie. Very cute. And he wants to take me to this street fair thing on Saturday. Even though we're not 'together' yet... I think that might be coming soon.
Haha. He makes me go all fluttery.
Tristan and I are still hanging out. He wasn't feeling well earlier but after his late class let out he came over for coffee and a movie. Very cute. And he wants to take me to this street fair thing on Saturday. Even though we're not 'together' yet... I think that might be coming soon.
Haha. He makes me go all fluttery.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
hands held high
Let us see...where did I leave off? Oh yes, Tristan. God, has it really been that long? No mind... I guess that just means I have a bit of catching up to do.
Tristan took me out Saturday and Sunday. It was really cute, we did the whole sushi and a movie first date thing then went to Antitem and Shepardstown. He's really sweet and I think that's what's driving me crazy about him. I'm just not used to guys being nice to me. I don't know how to deal with it. He texts me sweet things at all hours of the day, telling me I'm beautiful and whatnot and I'm kind of at the point where I'm ready to tell him to chill out. We're not even going out yet. We just hung out for a couple of days. Nothing serious...I didn't even fuck him.
I'm actually slightly proud of myself for the last one. I stayed over with him Saturday night and I told him flat out that I have a bad history of jumping into bed with guys just after meeting him and that I respect him too much to do that. So we just talked and watched movies. Yes...actually watched movies. Proud, no?
Enough with Tristan now though...
I'm dropping Latin. It's seriously kicking my ass to the point where I'd have to fight for a C+ in the class. It's not worth fucking over my GPA for a class I just took for shits & giggles. Apparantly half the class is dropping though too. So no worries.
This whoring bitch from two of my polisci classes started a rumor that I'm sleeping with this grad student. I'm not. He's ugly and skankalicious and really stupid. I'm no longer even making out with the uglies and the dummies. I figure, if I'm gonna keep doing what I want, I might as well have them be classy. I'm about ready to throw the slutty monster down the stairs though. Actually, I probably would if she wasn't so fat to the point where she could crush me if she got pissed at me haha.
Mommy sent me brownies!!!! Yay chocolate!!!
Apparently this girl from my summer workshop is getting a piece in the New Yorker. For once though, I'm not jealous. She worked her ass off and totally deserves it. My day will come...
As soon as I write something worthwhile.
Tristan took me out Saturday and Sunday. It was really cute, we did the whole sushi and a movie first date thing then went to Antitem and Shepardstown. He's really sweet and I think that's what's driving me crazy about him. I'm just not used to guys being nice to me. I don't know how to deal with it. He texts me sweet things at all hours of the day, telling me I'm beautiful and whatnot and I'm kind of at the point where I'm ready to tell him to chill out. We're not even going out yet. We just hung out for a couple of days. Nothing serious...I didn't even fuck him.
I'm actually slightly proud of myself for the last one. I stayed over with him Saturday night and I told him flat out that I have a bad history of jumping into bed with guys just after meeting him and that I respect him too much to do that. So we just talked and watched movies. Yes...actually watched movies. Proud, no?
Enough with Tristan now though...
I'm dropping Latin. It's seriously kicking my ass to the point where I'd have to fight for a C+ in the class. It's not worth fucking over my GPA for a class I just took for shits & giggles. Apparantly half the class is dropping though too. So no worries.
This whoring bitch from two of my polisci classes started a rumor that I'm sleeping with this grad student. I'm not. He's ugly and skankalicious and really stupid. I'm no longer even making out with the uglies and the dummies. I figure, if I'm gonna keep doing what I want, I might as well have them be classy. I'm about ready to throw the slutty monster down the stairs though. Actually, I probably would if she wasn't so fat to the point where she could crush me if she got pissed at me haha.
Mommy sent me brownies!!!! Yay chocolate!!!
Apparently this girl from my summer workshop is getting a piece in the New Yorker. For once though, I'm not jealous. She worked her ass off and totally deserves it. My day will come...
As soon as I write something worthwhile.
Friday, September 28, 2007
moment
So Rob is out of the picture. Apparantly, like most guys, he found it fun to cheat on me cuz I'm not a skank. Yeah sorry. But it's no great loss. He stole $30 of pot from Mike and $50 from me...and basically treats everyone like crap. Whatever. He wasn't intelligent either.
But...now I may have a new guy on the horizon. His name is Tristan and he's in my Women & Politics seminar. Yesterday during class, we ended up sitting together and grabbed coffee afterwards, before his Psych lecture. And then he ended up calling me after that let out and we ended up talking for like two hours...just talking. About everything. And...he kissed me.
It was raining... and I was being a stupid little kid and jumping into puddles. I got totally soaked, but I was loving it. Tristan was walking with me and just grabbed my back and told me that I looked really cute in the rain. And...he kissed me. In the rain.
And then, he called me this morning and we talked about classical Greek philosophy. Seriously...who does that? We're such nerds. And we ended up talking for like an hour...about the most random things--- coffee, windstorms, Crime and Punishment. And...this conversation shall be continued this evening when he comes over. Yay.
I love how I can go from person to person.... I think cuz I refuse to become emotionally attached to people. Meh. Whatever.
But...now I may have a new guy on the horizon. His name is Tristan and he's in my Women & Politics seminar. Yesterday during class, we ended up sitting together and grabbed coffee afterwards, before his Psych lecture. And then he ended up calling me after that let out and we ended up talking for like two hours...just talking. About everything. And...he kissed me.
It was raining... and I was being a stupid little kid and jumping into puddles. I got totally soaked, but I was loving it. Tristan was walking with me and just grabbed my back and told me that I looked really cute in the rain. And...he kissed me. In the rain.
And then, he called me this morning and we talked about classical Greek philosophy. Seriously...who does that? We're such nerds. And we ended up talking for like an hour...about the most random things--- coffee, windstorms, Crime and Punishment. And...this conversation shall be continued this evening when he comes over. Yay.
I love how I can go from person to person.... I think cuz I refuse to become emotionally attached to people. Meh. Whatever.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
way too good at this...
Boo. Boys soccer got their asses handed to them today by Mary Washington. 0-4. Ouch. It was the first game I'd been to this season too and I've got to say...I almost forgot why I don't usually go to those things. Not that I didn't have fun, mind you. It's just that the people who go are not the kind of people I usually hang out with. For the first 15 minutes, I pretty much felt like I was still in high school-- the awkward kid sitting and watching and not really saying much. But at least it got better when my friend showed up to watch her boyfriend.
Speaking of boyfriends... I'm really confused about Rob. I mean, we're together. Everyone knows it... people ask me how he is when he's not with me (which really isn't that often) and when he's with me, he's doing boyfriendy things like holding my hand and rubbing my back and snogging me and opening doors and such. I've spent the past two nights in his room and we're having actual conversations. It's nice. Really, it is. I just don't know what he expects to come out of it. I think...when it comes down to it...I'm going to end up hurting him (as per the Lilith norm). It almost makes me think that I should end it now...before either of us become so emotionally invested in it. But I don't want to end it.... I really dont.
He makes my heart go flutter.
Speaking of boyfriends... I'm really confused about Rob. I mean, we're together. Everyone knows it... people ask me how he is when he's not with me (which really isn't that often) and when he's with me, he's doing boyfriendy things like holding my hand and rubbing my back and snogging me and opening doors and such. I've spent the past two nights in his room and we're having actual conversations. It's nice. Really, it is. I just don't know what he expects to come out of it. I think...when it comes down to it...I'm going to end up hurting him (as per the Lilith norm). It almost makes me think that I should end it now...before either of us become so emotionally invested in it. But I don't want to end it.... I really dont.
He makes my heart go flutter.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Sparkles
Oh my goodness. I've been in the most amazing mood over the past few days. Rob and I have been fantastic. He and I are just so great together. Laying next to each other, in bed, just cuddling and listening to music...I just feel so safe. So perfect. So amazing.
I almost don't know how to deal with him. I mean, God forbid some guy actually treat me right.
Tonight I saw Merchant of Venice done by a theater company at school. Two hours later...I still need to decompress. I want to go back to Elizabethan England and live amoungst Shakespeare.
...if only.
I almost don't know how to deal with him. I mean, God forbid some guy actually treat me right.
Tonight I saw Merchant of Venice done by a theater company at school. Two hours later...I still need to decompress. I want to go back to Elizabethan England and live amoungst Shakespeare.
...if only.
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