a plane scraped it's belly on a sooted yellow moon

I don't even care anymore.

This time in the semester sucks. I'm just so done with it. I know I'm not appreciating my time here but whatever. I'm just over it. I want to be able to just wake up and run all day and not have to think about anything. Ever.

It was really nice out for a few days. And now it's not. This really bums me out cuz I was just starting to get tan (without laying in a tanning bed every freaking day) and I want to be dark before I go home Friday... Vain, I know.

I'm really frustrated with myself right now. My knee is fine. I mean, it's not fine but it's ok to run on. I'm not going to let the pain stop me. Except for freaking today. I don't know what's up because I ran only 5k this morning then this afternoon I went to the gym. I was only on the elliptical for an hour but I feel like I cant move my legs now. That's complete bullcrap. I should be able to run a lot more than what I did today, no problem. I'm basically crawling out of my skin, not having done the norm.

Actually, thats a lie. I've been extremely manic all day. After my run, I spend like an hour just organizing and reorganizing everything because it just didn't look right. And then I went to my friend's softball game and the second I got there, I felt so ick. I just feel like a bloody heifer everywhere I go. I know I'm not as gross as I see myself but I'm still not good enough. And that scares the crap out of me. I'm doing everything right. Freaking Ana and Mia have completely left me since TS got sent to in-patient. I think, because it was a competition of sorts between us... who could be the least crazy but still insane... I have no reason not to be completely reckless. I just want this so bad. I cringe every time I walk by and see the imperfection I've become. Maybe I'm not even a child of the goddesses anymore. I mean, I feel like that have abandoned me because I wasn't following them for the longest time. And now, I'd do anything to have them will me.

I need to get out of here...