gonna be ok

I think I'm coming to the realization that I may actually...maybe... have this life thing down. Kinda.

Granted, I am not especially happy with the way things have been going. Of late, I have found myself seeking comfort by any available means. Whether that means amalgamating myself to a certain person (or group of people), smoking way too many cigarettes, writing what I want to write and what I should be writing for class... it's been happening way too much. And I guess that's ok. I mean, I would rather be able to just live in my own skin and be somewhat content, but I'm just not there yet.

I am really frustrated with a lot of my friends. I think I realized how petty they are. I just feel eons away from them. I'm over juvenility, in every sense of the word. I'm sorry if we go see a play and the only thing you get out from it is the constant sex references and you completely miss the larger social sentiment being made. I'm hideously sorry if you find it appropriate to text message your friends all through a small class where the entire class, including the professor, can see and hear you. Do you see the tear running down my face when you come and complain to me about your professor making your paper a "D" because you have no thesis statement?...Whoops...I misspoke... you DO have four statements of what could be considered a thesis, however they are so poorly disguised in your pathetic excuse for grammar that I think your professor was being extremely generous by giving you a "D". If I had been the professor, Hell... I would have failed you outright. I'm even more sorry that you find it amusing to think someone is weird because they are of a different ethnicity than you, without even the semblance of an attempt to understand their customs. I'm sorry if I don't halfass my schoolwork, especially for classes within my major and that means I may not have time to like, go, like to the, like mall and like oogle the like hell out of like those boys who like work at like Hollister cuz they are like OMG soo super like hot. I'm sorry if I work for a campaign and actually give a rat's ass about politics. I'm sorry if I vote. I'm sorry if I actually can conceptualize what having another Republican president would do to the nation and, because of this, am doing everything in my power to make sure that does not happen.

The conversations I have had to endure so far today have included:
-In regards to overhearing someone mention the country Macedonia) "Wait? Macedonia? Is that like a guy or something?"
-"Can I like have chicken fingers without the chicken?" (Lady at the snack bar)"You mean just the fries?" (Next member of Mensa) "NO. Just the fried shell." (Lady) "So just breadcrumbs, fried?"
-"George Bush isn't that bad. I mean, he named himself after vaginas so I guess he likes women."
..and the winner being (so far)
-(In response to a class discussion on global warming) "If it's too hot, then why don't we just fly the Earth further from the Sun."
OY VEY

In other news, my ex-fiance is moving across the street from my mother with his soon to be wife. I don't really have feelings for Alex anymore... but it's still going to be extremely awkward. I actually can't even recall the last time I spoke to him. Oh wait... yes I can. It was when he told me it was over after I tried to kill myself. Seriously, I was laying in the hospital bed with both arms stitched up and just had my stomach pumped. And the jackass thought that would be the most perfect moment to tell me that I was impossible to love and reach over to take the ring back. Let's not forget that one of the main reasons I sought an out (that time) was because I knew I would never be good enough for him and I was doing a disservice to the man I loved to make him trade down to make me his wife.

That is just going to absolutely make my winter vacation. Having to not only exist at the same residence as my mother but also see Alex and his perfect fucking wife every day. Seriously... I know I'm not good enough for him. But nearly two years after the fact, I just think it's another way for him to tighten his grasp on me.

Cuz obviously the scars are not enough.

je vous déteste. me part s'il vous plaît seul. vous avez essayé de me tuer et a fait presque. vous êtes un rappel constant d'haine. plaît. est cela pas assez ?